Memories of a Boy Who Had Once Been
by darkdreamsinthedeadofnight
Summary: He was Nico Di Angelo. And nothing could save him now. One-shot.


**Author's Note: **_I don't know, I was reading some Nico Di Angelo stories and wondered why not, my first story will be a one-shot about my favorite character of all time. My first story ever, don't really know if it turned out well but I'd appreciate some feedback._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Heroes of Olympus & the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, nor do I own the song. The song is "Memories of a Broken Heart" by Crown The Empire.

_ Nico Di Angelo sat on the slightly wet, glistening park bench. He looked up at the moon, his dark eyes squinting as he tried to determine the time, then sighed and let himself slide down a little more comfortably on the park bench, his shoulders slumped over as he tucked the earbuds into his ears, giving up. _What's the point? _He asked himself, the small light from his phone flickering for a second, illuminating his ghostly features and pale face, with dark, almost black circles bagged under his eyes. He didn't even bother trying to fall asleep. He knew he couldn't. He had tried everything. But there was no way to escape those nightmares, those horrible faces that had tortured him deep in the depths of the place he had once called home. _

_ A streetlight flickered above him, casting a small yellow spotlight on him as he grumbled and moved to the side, avoiding the light and retreating to the darkness as he hit the shuffle button on his playlist and sat back, closing his eyes and letting the music wash over him, turning the music on and turning the world around him off._

_As I stare into these ruins made by man_

_I tremble as I realize it's the end_

It's hopeless. All of it is. The quest to defeat the giants, to defeat Gaia, Mother Earth herself, and to save the gods of Olympus once again. It was hopeless. Worthless. What was the point of saving the gods? They had never done anything for him. His own father rarely saw him, and when he did he rarely spoke to him, only regarding him with a cold, icy gaze that held no love. The gods had done nothing to help their sons and daughters, the demigods, but no matter what, countless demigods fell to their feet, dying a horrible death for parents that they had never seen or talked to or even knew about. What was the point of saving this wretched planet, and all these wretched mortals anyway? What had the gods or the mortals ever done for them? What was the point of helping them? What was the point of saving any of them? They didn't deserve it. Not at all.

_More and more I wonder what we could have done_

_But instead we wage a war that can't be won_

_But instead we wage a war that can't be won..._

Could the war be stopped? Could they really defeat all these giants and save the gods and mortals once again? Would it really matter? Because no matter how much lives would be sacrificed, no matter how much battles they fought, no matter how much they saved the gods, it wouldn't stop. It would be an endless war full of bloodshed and tears, shadowed by the promise of a hideous death. No matter how hard they fought to keep the peace, it would be broken, and more lives would be lost and sacrificed, then peace would come again. But then it would be broken again, and with that, the endless, stupid, worthless cycle of saving the gods and sacrificing lives would repeat itself over and over until one day the gods would fall.

_I stand on the ash of all I've ever loved_

_Memories of a broken heart_

_Now I'm alone in the dark_

Bianca. His mother. His father, who didn't care about him. All the ones he loved, gone. Bianca couldn't be saved. She was gone, reborn into a new life where she would never know the face of him ever agaim. His mother was also gone, killed by the wretched king of the wretched gods. He had lost so much, but no matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn't cry. He couldn't. His tears had dried up a long time ago, when he was a little innocent boy who had just lost his sister, as the world began to crumble around him. Now all he could feel was nothing. He was numb. Shattered. Broken. Alone.

_I know there's a way out when all hope is gone_

_Find your light in a new dawn_

_But there's no way to do this on our own_

No one understood him. No one knew him. No one loved him. Sure, Percy Jackson looked at him like a little brother, and Annabeth did too, but in the end, would they really care if he disappeared? No. They would move on, because they were heroes, and everyone loved them and looked up to them. No one liked Nico. No one looked up to him. No one had ever, and no one will ever. The cause he had fought so hard for, the cause that made him go through Tarturus meant nothing. Because, even though he had gone through hell and back, he didn't matter. He never would matter. He wasn't part of the Seven, because he didn't belong. he was alone. He was all on his own.

_I search for solace in this waste that I once called home_

_But my attempts of piecing life together leaves me alone_

_I can't repair what's been done_

_When the sky is as black as the ground that I walk on_

Home. Did he even have one anymore? Sure, there was a cabin for him at Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter, but he would eventually leave, tired of the fearful, scared glances he would get. He was Nico, the son of Hades, who radiated death and tragedy with his very presence, and he would never be loved. He would never belong. Maybe he thought that the Underworld was his home once. But he couldn't go back. The memories of Tarturus were too fresh, too scarred deep into his mind. But the Underworld was the only place where he had truly ever belonged. But he still couldn't go back, because the minute he went back those terrifying faces whispering those terrible things into his ears would appear, taunting him and threatening to destroy what was left of his life.

_But I can't give up on this_

_I have to wonder what we could've done_

_I have to wonder_

_But instead we wage a war that can't be won_

What was even worse is that he knew that no matter what, no matter how worthless and stupid he thought saving the gods would be, he would always keep on going, no matter how hurt he was. Because as much as he had been through, as much as he wanted to give up and lose all faith, he couldn't. Because unlike all the other children of Hades who were heartless, cruel, driven insane by their heartbreaks and losses, he would never give up. Because he still cared. And caring made it all the more worse.

_I stand on the ash of all I've ever loved  
Memories of a broken heart  
Now I'm alone in the dark_

Everything he loved was gone. Gone to ashes. Faded away, never to be seen again, except in the darkest nights when he attempted to go to sleep, but nevertheless woke up after countless haunted nightmares of everything he had lost.

_I know there's a way out when all hope is gone  
Find your light in a new dawn  
But there's no way to do this on our own._

Hopeless. Alone. Broken.

_You think that this is the end?_

_You're wrong _

_This is the start of a new generation_

Those horrible, gruesome hideous faces wouldn't kill him. Not on the outside anyway. But on the inside, he had died. His very soul, his very essence, his sanity has crumbled away the second he found himself in Tarturus with those terrifying whispers. They had broken what had been left of him, and now he was nearly destroyed. A husk, a shell of his former self. He had been shocked to the core, something in him shattering. He was living, but not really alive. He was dying, but not really dead.

_I stand on the ash of all I've ever loved  
Memories of a broken heart  
Now I'm alone in the dark_

The world crumbled around him, spinning around and around in a dizzying pattern as dim memories from his past flashed in front of his eyes, faint memories from the time when he had been an innocent little boy who loved card games and video games and his sister, who had taken care of him and loved him when no one could. Memories of the boy he had once been.

He was losing hope. He was losing sanity. He was broken.

_I know there's a way out when all hope is gone  
Find your light in a new dawn  
But there's no way to do this on our own._

He was Nico Di Angelo, and nothing could save him now.


End file.
